Dear ______,
Congratulations on your promotion to Security Detail 6 — Mu Division! This special assignment means that you’ve earned the trust not only of your immediate peers, but also of your colleagues across the company. With your new position comes new risks and responsibilities, but your track record shows that you’re more than up to it. Please read this entire letter carefully, then use your e-signature to acknowledge and accept at the bottom.
You have been assigned to Mu Block, a high-security sector of our Charleston campus. Mu Block was founded in 2016 for the exclusive purpose of studying anomalous probability events and nonlocal entities under the direct supervision of Command Lab 4. It has grown central to Halberd’s operations in the years since, and is now the main hub of our Predictive Sciences unit.
Main Responsibilities
These represent the bulk (80%) of your workload.
Monitor access to Mu Block at Chokepoint C.
Request credentials from any person / entity attempting to gain access to Mu Block.
Monitor Entry Scan results and report any non-blue results to Command Lab 4 immediately.
In the event of a Support request, secure Chokepoint C and report to location of Support request with any requested equipment.
In the event of a Breach alarm, secure Chokepoint C immediately.
Additional Responsibilities
Occasionally, you may be required to do the following:
Verify integrity of data flow between Anomaly “Mothman 04-Vx6” and Mu Block mainframe.
Check nonlocality condenser interface between Anomaly “Mothman 04-Vx6” and Mu Block mainframe.
Assist Material Handling personnel with loading / unloading.
(Note: Boxes may weigh in excess of 20 lbs.)
(Note: You are obligated to abide by any special handling instructions provided.)
(Note: Items may be sensitive / fragile / volatile. Special compliance training may be required.)
Assist Containment personnel in processing / securing new specimens.
Assist Waste personnel with the removal of any items / material designated waste.
(Note: Items may be sensitive / fragile / volatile. Special compliance training may be required.)
Provide backup to Special Operations personnel.
Safety
There are many ways we can stay safe in the workplace!
Know the location of fire extinguishers and fire exits in your assigned area. Your Lead should familiarize you with these during your first week.
Be careful with hot liquids such as coffee.
Immediately clean up all spills and breakages. Leave a “Wet Floor” sign when applicable.
Do not be alarmed by light or lights that seem to have no source. These are to be expected and can be safely ignored.
Abide by food storage best practices (see list on fridge in break room for most up-to-date FSBPs).
Do not disturb Anomaly “Mothman 04-Vx6.” This includes tapping on the glass of its enclosure; interfering with nonlocality condenser interface; bringing food or drink inside the Theatre area; and envisioning or thinking about circuit diagrams.
Do not attempt to communicate with Anomaly “Mothman 04-Vx6.” Per its nature, your thoughts are apparent to it, and if it wishes to communicate with you, you will do so. But it will not.
If approached by a person or entity you do not recognize, remain calm and polite.
Do not attempt to physically deny anyone access to or egress from Mu Block except in the event of a Breach alarm.
Remember, safety is everyone’s responsibility!
Growth Opportunities
Security 6 enjoys increased access to our employee development library. A few of our more popular titles:
Your Benefits Now (e-learning) (mandatory) — Summary of employee benefits at your level, including healthcare, dental, vision, wrongful death, accidental death, unforeseen death, unprovable death, disappearance, 401k contributions, and PTO accrual, as well as group discounts on auto and pet insurance.
Safety in Mu Block (video) (mandatory) — A “fun” presentation of safety guidelines put together by Mu Block’s senior engineers.
Strand Primer (Updated!) (e-learning) (mandatory) — An overview of strand theory; local prime strands; and current legal claims to them.
Evacuation Situation Decider (ESD) (job aid) (mandatory) — Flowchart detailing events, contingencies, evacuation priority, safe zones, and requesting assistance from the proper authorities.
Plan Ahead (e-learning) — A quick course from our benefits vendor about getting started for retirement, and how to make the most of (and make sense of!) all those different death insurances.
Evens and Odds (e-learning) (mandatory) — Learn what’s legal and what’s not when it comes to betting around extratemporal nonlocal shadow entities. (As a reminder, betting is not allowed on any Halberd campus. Drawing the attention of gambling regulators is punishable by termination, and should you come under investigation, Halberd is not liable for your decisions outside of work hours and will deny any association with you.)
Material Compliance in Mu Block (e-learning) (mandatory) — An interactive tour of the types of material, equipment, and other complex / improbable matter found, used, and produced in Mu Block. This important safety training covers categorization, definition, characteristics, tendencies, veracity and instructions for interacting with each type.
Mandatory modules will be assigned during your first week of reporting to Mu Block and should be completed by the end of your first month.
You are scheduled to report to your new supervisor ________________ at the beginning of _______ shift on _______. Your 30% pay raise will take effect on that date.
Please select “Accept” to accept this voluntary reassignment.
By using this electronic signature form, you acknowledge the use of your e-signature in lieu of a traditional handwritten signature.
We’re thrilled that you’re joining us at Mu Block, and can’t wait to start working with you!
Best regards,
________________
Hey, Tara, finally got the template from HR. Looks like you gotta actually fill in the names and details and send out the letters to your new direct reports. Good thing you thought to check. Sooner is better; would love to eliminate some of those big gaps in the schedule that appeared last week. Cheers, D
Hello hello!
Don’t worry, Mom, clicking “accept” doesn’t mean you automatically work in Mu Block. This only applies if you’re already working for Halberd.
We’re fully into the bi-weekly interstitial schedule, which is great considering what’s going to happen.
Writing this piece made me very happy that I don’t work in HR and have to write these kinds of things. If you do, and you love it, I’m really happy for you.
That’s all I’ve got… for now. Watch out for cyborg Mothmans, and I’ll see you next time!
:: Jaer
Unfortunately, I'll have to decline. The 30% raise was really tempting... but fitting alternate reality glasses in my current department doesn't require any death insurance of any type. I have a cousin that would probably be interested, but they are still in Basic... Unless you could qualify them for accelerated progression somehow?
Good luck with those vacancies!
See your humor coming through in this piece. Sounds like Mothman really has it made. Keep it up!